A New Chapter

I'll be honest, going into this class I didn't really want to do the blog. I just thought of it as another two assignments to add to my weekly list, then I started to really enjoy it and while I was never one of the well known favorites, I'm proud of my posts. 

I guess I'll tell you more about me:
I moved from California to Utah when I was 4.
I have always felt alone in my family being the youngest of 5 girls and having my closest sister 10 years older than me.
I may feel alone but I love being the youngest. I have connected well with friends who are also the youngest with a large gap.
I went to Westfield Elementary for four years, then in 4th grade I transferred to a charter school for 6 years.
I gained some of my best, longest lasting friendships at that charter school.
In 9th grade I was the student body president of the charter school.
I love the rain so so much, hence my name. 
I still haven't decorated my journal cover because every time I try to start I get too scared of not liking it when I'm done. (I have some ideas now though so I'll start soon)
I hope that now that we're revealing ourselves we will still write with honesty.
I love writing, before this class I only wrote fiction, now I have found a new outlet.
Both of my best friends are fake red heads (and they both pull it off).
One of my best friends goes to Lone Peak, the other goes to AF.
I met them both at the charter school in seventh grade.
My room has been messy for two months and I need to clean it but I don't want to.
One time friends and I sticky-noted a teachers car, during school.
I've done some really stupid things in these 17 (almost 18) years, and I'm sure I'll do plenty more.
I've gone on amazing adventures and had amazing opportunities.
I love taking pictures, mostly of landscapes, not portraits.
I love reading, but I haven't been able to finish a book for a few months now and it's starting to drive me nuts.
I miss the days when I would wake up and instead of checking my phone right away I would grab a book and read for hours.
Coming up with a list of top 5 books was so hard, I feel bad leaving any out.
Iron Man is my favorite superhero. Loki is also pretty great.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a fantastic TV show, don't listen to the haters.
I love music. Specifically my taste music.
I cannot wait to go to the Imagine Dragons concert and the Fall Out Boy concert this summer (two days apart, no less).
Once I fall in love with a song, it will always be in my heart even if in the moment I don't want to listen to it I never dislike it.
I love the Broadway version of Newsies. In the last three days I have listened to the entire soundtrack at least 4 times. I'm only a little obsessed ;)
I love acting.
I love swimming so much. 
There's a lot more I would like to tell you but that will have to wait for the rest of the term.
I'm sorry this isn't some beautiful, poetic post, but I thought you should know more about me before I told you my name.

Hi, I'm Sylver Rayne, or otherwise known as Kirsten Cluff.

I'm excited to share this new chapter/term with you.

Lost Generation

As You Go So Must I

This afternoon I swung on my swing set for the last time. 

They already started taking you down. My childhood. I remember the day they brought you home and set you up, I couldn't wait to play on you but I had to because it was time for kindergarten and I couldn't be late. You had two levels, a steering wheel, binoculars, 3 normal swings, a baby swing, a tired swing, and a straight slide and a twisty slide (I called them the plank and the black hole). Playing pirates was always one of my favorites. During the summer other kids and I would put towels up around the sides and build a fort to hide from the littler kids using pool noodles as weapons. Do you remember the time the boy got stuck in the baby swing and my mom had to lift him out? I still have the picture. What about watching fireworks on the fourth of July all across the valley from the top level with dad? I loved spinning around in endless circles on the tire swing and getting soooo dizzy until the day my legs grew too long to fit through the tire. When my sister and I took the cat up with us and she ran down the ladder without falling and I was sad she didn't stay but in awe at her abilities of not falling off. When I was really little and could only go down the slide with someone at the end. Taking my nieces and nephews down the very same slide just a few years later so they wouldn't be scared. My niece and nephews called you grandma and grandpa's park, they think you're the coolest thing ever, now they're leaving too. These are only a fraction of the memories you and I share.

As I grew up you got older and you held onto every memory we share in your worn down wood frame better than my own memory. One night after a rough couple of weeks one of my best friends and I spent a good 30 minutes swinging and talking. Do you still hold those secrets close like I do? I'll never forget the time I kissed him on the top level. Just a few weeks ago when I was stargazing with my friend, laying down and hoping you would hold us both. I have grown up with you and I can't stand to see you go. You may have loose screws and need to be sanded down and maybe a good sun proof stain, and maybe you're a lot less safe than I would like to admit. Either way I'll always love and miss you, my friend. I grew and you slowly fell apart, but you constantly supported me. You were always there for me when I was upset, you cheered me up and absorbed my tears from the dirt and grass upon which you sat.

Even my friends are sad, saying that it is a huge piece of their childhood too, and you can't get rid of it there are too many memories. I know, believe me I know. Now as a senior in high school I must say goodbye to the one who means so much more to me than just an old swing set.

As I rushed back and forth I felt the rush of the wind pass my face and through my hair, the squeak of the metal that has become comforting. I inhale and take the moment in, not wanting to let go. I know I won't have any more time with you and I wish I had known how lucky I was to have you before today. But now I will move on with you in the form of my initials followed by 2002-2015. 

This afternoon I swung on my swing set for the last time. Tomorrow you'll be gone for good. I don't think I'm ready to let go of not only you, but also my childhood. Please don't forget me, I'll never forget you. I love you.

Oops! I Did It Again.

Ah yes, I procrastinated my blog post yet again. Oh Procrastination. The epitome of high schoolers. Especially those plagued with the ever horrid condition that is senioritis.

Here is Urban Dictionary's top definition of procrastination:

I Don't Want To Fall

I am scared to lose friends.

I am scared for the future for myself and my loved ones.

I am scared of spiders.

I am scared that I won't be able to follow my dreams.

I am scared to start college.

I'm more afraid of staying in high school.

I am scared of not seeing friends again after graduation.

I am scared of becoming a (more or less) responsible adult.

I am scared to disappoint my parents.

I am scared to reveal who I am.

I am scared of not finding the right husband for me.

I am scared to watch a scary movie alone.

I am scared that I won't make a good mother.

I am scared that I won't be able to be a mother.

I am scared of marrying too young or staying single too long.

I am scared of what lurks in the ocean.

I am scared of being judged even though I know everyone is too busy fearing the same thing to judge me.

I am scared that I will get a call saying someone I loved has died.

I am scared that I will be too busy to enjoy life.

I am scared.

"If you don't take the chance to live life, what can you say at the end of it?"

~Naveen Andrews

I like to think that the best way to view life is in the present with hope for the future and reminisce the happier moments of one's life. Not dwelling on the bad or stressing for the trials, but looking for ways to enjoy every minute of life. Looking for ways to enjoy even the not so pleasant things.

Life is a compilation of the little things. First kisses and first dates. Family dinners. Laughing so hard with your friends it takes minutes to recover then looking at one another and sending yourselves back into endless giggles. Procrastinating homework until this last minute. Soup on a rainy day. Spontaneous late night drives up the canyon. Hot chocolate on a Sunday night. The buzz of a bee on a hot summer's day. Science classes and math homework. Kids running around playing night games. Speeding tickets and drivers ed. Awkward middle school couples. Field trips that cease to exist upon entering high school. The scent of your crushes shampoo. Midnight movies premiers and over salted popcorn. All these things that make up life. These things that we overlook when we're running back and forth all day, when we really should stop and smell the roses.

IDEK

Okay. Quick question. Have you ever used this kind of pen before?

Because honestly they are fabulous.

Also I really love those pens that are in hotel rooms. Just the way they write is wonderful.

And you can't forget mechanical pencils, they just write better and feel better to hold.

This has been a writing utensil appreciation post.

I Can't Take This Again

I walk through the halls and I just want to scream, to yell out at everyone and say, "What is wrong with you!? Why did we let this happen!?" I've taken this one the hardest. I never knew you but it has still affected me. I wish you could've seen that this dark spot you were in was only temporary, that life will be so much better after high school. How sick is it that this feeling has become familiar? That hearing Rhonda's letter read in class has become habitual. On Thursday the whole school was there holding each others hands and wiping each others tears away, but how long will it last? I fear that it will go back to the way it was, and I can't stand to see that.